Was Muhammad a Narcissist? An investigation

There are literally tens of thousands of short stories about Muhammad. Many of them are forgeries, others are weak and dubious in nature, but some are believed to be Sahih (authentic, true) hadith (oral traditions). By reading these Sahih hadith, a fairly consistent picture of Muhammad emerges and it is possible to make an approximate evaluation of his character and psychological make-up.

The picture that emerges is that of a narcissist. In this chapter I will quote authoritative sources on narcissism and then will try to show how Muhammad fits that profile hand in glove.

What is Narcissism?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) describes narcissism as a personality disorder that “revolve around a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and sense of entitlement. Often individuals feel overly important and will exaggerate achievements and will accept, and often demand, praise and admiration despite worthy achievements.”¹

The third and fourth editions of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of 1980 and 1994 and the European ICD-10² describe NPD in similar language:

An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts. Five (or more) of the following criteria must be met:

1. Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).

2. Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion.

3. Is firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special, unique, or high-status people (or institutions).
4. Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation, or failing that, wishes to be feared and notorious (narcissistic supply).
5. Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favorable priority treatment. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her expectations.
6.  Is “interpersonally exploitative” i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends.
7. Is devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others.
8. Is constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her.
9. Is arrogant, has haughty behaviors or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted ³

Was Muhammad a ‘Narcissist”?

All these traits were confirmed in Muhammad. Apart from thinking he was the anointed messenger of God and the Seal of the Prophets (Q.33:40), Muhammad regarded himself as Khayru-l-Khalq (the Best of Creation), an “excellent example” (Q.33:21), and explicitly or implicitly hinted to be “exalted above other prophets in degrees” (Q.2:253). He claimed to be “the preferred one” (Q.17:55), to have been sent as a “Mercy to the worlds” (Q.21:107), to have been risen “to a praised estate” (Q.17:79) – a station which he said none but he would receive – and this is the Station of Intercession at the right hand of the Almighty next to his Glorious Throne. In other words, he would be the person who would advise God as to who should be sent to Hell and who should be admitted to Heaven. These are just some of Muhammad’s megalomaniac claims about his own lofty station that are reported in the Qur’an.

The following two verses express vividly Muhammad’s sense of self importance and grandiosity.

Truly, Allâh and His angels send praise and blessings [forever] upon the Prophet. O you who believe! Praise and bless the Prophet with utmost laud and blessing. (Q.33:56)

In order that you (O men) may believe in Allâh and His Messenger, that you may assist and honor Him, and celebrate His praise morning and evening. (Q.48:9)

Muhammad was so impressed with himself, that he put the following words in the mouth of his sockpuppet deity:

“And you (stand) on an exalted standard of character” (Q.68:4) and are “a lamp with spreading light.” (Q.33:46)

Ibn Sa’d reports Muhammad saying:

Among all the people of the world God chose the Arabs. From among the Arabs he chose the Kinana. From Kinana he chose the Quraish (the tribe of Muhammad). From the Quraish he chose Bani Hashim (his clan). And from Bani Hashim he chose me.⁴

The following are some of the claims Muhammad made about himself in the hadith.

• The very first thing that Allâh Almighty ever created was my soul.

• First of all things, the Lord created my mind.

• I am from Allâh, and the believers are from me.⁵

• Just as Allâh created me noble, he also gave me noble character.

• Were it not for you, [O Muhammad] I would not have created the universe.⁶

Only a pathological narcissist can be so cut off from reality as to claim the universe was created because of him.

Narcissists, typically feign humility even when they brag about themselves. Abu Sa`id al-Khudri narrated that the Prophet said: “I am the leader of human beings and I say this without pride.”

At-Tirmidhi narrated:

“The Prophet said: I heard your words, and everything you said is indeed true, and I myself am the Beloved of Allah (habibullah) and I say this without pride, and I carry the flag of glory (liwa ul-hamd) on the Day of Judgment, and am the first intercessor and the first whose intercession is accepted, and the first to stir the circles of Paradise so that Allah will open it for me and I shall enter it together with the poor among my Community, and I say this without pride. I am the most honored of the First and the Last, and I say this without pride.”⁷

A narcissist may seem to be self-confident and even accomplished. In reality he (narcissists are predominantly male) suffers from a great deficit of self-esteem and needs an outside supply of adulation, constantly seeking admiration.

Causes of Narcissism?

A child who feels inferior, due to real or perceived social rejection, will try to compensate his feeling of inferiority by a subconscious neurotic mechanism, which the pioneering psychiatrist Alfred Adler coined “Superiority Complex.” This involves exaggerating one’s own achievements and putting down anyone the narcissist perceives as a threat.

Faulty parenting is the major contributing cause of narcissistic personality disorder. For example, permissive parents who give excessive praise, overindulge, spoil, fail to impose adequate discipline, and idealize the child are just as abusive to the child’s character formation as those who beat them, ignore them or commit incest. As a result, the narcissist generally feels unprepared for adulthood. He grows up with an unrealistic view of life. Conversely, a child who does not receive enough support and encouragement may also develop a narcissistic personality.

We know that Muhammad was given away in infancy to be raised by a stranger. Did his mother lack interest in him? Why did he not pray at her grave even when he was over sixty years old? Was he still resentful toward her?

Halima did not want to take baby Muhammad because he was an orphan of a poor widow and the pay was not great. Did this affect the way she or her family treated him? Children can be cruel. Being an orphan in those days was a stigma, as it still is in many backward countries. Muhammad’s childhood condition was not conducive to building a healthy self esteem.

Jon Mardi Horowitz, the author of Stress Response Syndromes, explains:

“When the habitual narcissistic gratifications that come from being adored, given special treatment, and admiring the self are threatened, the results may be depression, hypochondria, anxiety, shame, self destructiveness, or rage directed toward any other person who can be blamed for the troubled situation. The child can learn to avoid these painful emotional states by acquiring a narcissistic mode of information processing.”⁸

Muhammad, indeed, had a difficult childhood. In Sura 93 verses 3-8 (quoted at the beginning of chapter one of this book) he tenderly calls to mind his lonesome orphanhood and reassures himself that Allâh will be kind to him and will not forsake him. This shows how much the memory of his lonesome childhood pained him. The fact that he created an imaginary world to escape from reality, so vivid that it scared his foster parents, is another clue that his early childhood was anything but pleasant. Muhammad may not have remembered the details of what happened during his first years of life, but obviously he bore the psychological scars for the rest of his life. To him, the imaginary world he created was real. It was a safe refuge, a pleasant place to retreat and escape from reality. In this imaginary world, he could be loved, respected, admired, powerful, important, and even feared. He could be anything he wanted to be and compensate for the lack of attention he was getting from the world outside.

Neglected children internalize a feeling of inadequacy. They come to believe they are undeserving of love and attention. In reaction to that, they tend to defend their egos by puffing themselves up. They see their own weakness and they feel that if others come to see it, they will not be loved, admired and respected. So they lie and invent fantastic stories bragging about their self-importance. Their imaginary power often originates from an external source. It could be their daddy or a strong friend. This kind of narcissism in children is normal, but if they retain these thoughts into adulthood, it develops into narcissistic personality disorder. Muhammad’s imaginary friend was Allâh. He was the most powerful, the most fearsome, and almighty. By associating himself with Allâh and presenting himself as his sole intermediary, he incarnated all of God’s power.

After the death of his mother, when Muhammad was six years old, he went under the tutelage of his aging grandfather, who spoiled him. As various ahadith show, Abdul Muttalib was too permissive. He overindulged his orphaned grandchild. He would make Muhammad sit on his mat while his sons sat reverentially around them.

Muhammad’s claim that Abdul Muttalib had foreseen his greatness is obviously a figment of his imagination. It is a lie that he concocted and possibly believed. Nonetheless, it is clear that Abdul Mutalib made Muhammad feel special. He pampered and loved his orphaned grandchild. The old man spoiled him out of pity. However, Muhammad interpreted that extra attention as the confirmation of his grandeur. The image he cast about himself in his fantasy world during his childhood was thus bolstered by his grandfather’s overindulgence of him. He was reconfirmed as unique, special, and exceptional.

After the death of Abdul Muttalib, his kind-hearted uncle, Abu Talib, also treated him differently from other children. His status as an orphan, with siblings, evoked compassion. Both his grandfather and uncle failed to impose adequate discipline on him. All these extremes contributed to him developing a narcissistic personality. Psychologists J. D. Levine and Rona H. Weiss write:

“Just as we know, from the point of view of the physiologist, that a child needs to be given certain foods, that he needs to be protected against extreme temperatures, and that the atmosphere he breathes has to contain sufficient oxygen, if his body is to become strong and resilient, so do we also know, from the point of view of the depth-psychologist, that he requires an empathic environment, specifically, an environment that responds (a) to his need to have his presence confirmed by the glow of parental pleasure and (b) to his need to merge into the reassuring calmness of the powerful adult, if he is to acquire a firm and resilient self. ” ⁹

Muhammad experienced neglect and abandonment during the early years of his life, and permissiveness after that. His circumstances were therefore ripe and conducive for him to become a narcissist.

There is no record that Muhammad ever spoke of his mother. He visited her tomb after he conquered Mecca, but he refused to pray for her. What was the point of that visit? Perhaps this was his vindication, a way to prove to her that despite her, he had made it. On the other hand, he remembered his grandfather, who had showered him with love and provided for him plenty of narcissistic gratifications, fondly.

Psychologists tell us that the first five years of a child’s life are the years that either make him or break him. Muhammad’s emotional needs during the first five years of his life were not met. He carried the painful memories of those lonesome years of abandonment and neglect into his adulthood and old age. He grew up insecure and had a fluctuating sense of self-worth, a weakness he tried to hide with overwhelming haughtiness by growing a sense of entitlement, grandiosity, and an illusion of superiority.

He positioned himself as the only partner of God and to make sure that no one would ever usurp his position, he claimed to be the last messenger. His power thus was absolute and everlasting.

Khadijah’s Influence on Muhammad

Khadijah’s role in Islam has not yet been fully appreciated. Her influence on Muhammad cannot be overemphasized. Khadijah should be regarded as Muhammad’s partner in giving birth to Islam. Without her, perhaps, Islam would not exist.

We know that Khadijah adored her young husband. There is no report that Muhammad ever worked after marrying Khadijah. After the marriage, Khadijah’s business seems to have gone down the tubes. By her death, the family had become empoverished.

Muhammad did not take care of the children, either. Dejected by the world, he spent most of his time recluse, retreating to his pleasant imaginary world of contemplation.

In  Sam Vaknin’s words, “To avoid such intolerable pain, some patients with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) socially withdraw and feign false modesty and humility to mask their underlying grandiosity. Dysthymic and depressive disorders are common reactions to isolation and feelings of shame and inadequacy.”¹⁰

At times Muhamamd would take food for several days, returning only when it was finished to procure more provisions and go back to his cave. Khadijah remained at home. Not only she took care of her nine children, but also of her husband who acted like an irresponsible child. She did not seem to complain. She was happy to sacrifice. Why?

That is an important question. This suggests that Khadijah may have had her own personality disorder. She was what we today would call a codependent or a reversed narcissist. This crucial piece of puzzle will help us understand why she stood by her husband when he told her of his bizarre hallucination and instead of calling an exorcist she encouraged him to launch his prophetic career.

The National Mental Health Association (NMHA) defines codependency as “A learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as ‘relationship addiction’ because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Codependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.”¹¹

Khadijah was a dainty, accomplished woman. She was the favorite daughter of her father Khuwaylid. In fact Khuwaylid relied on her, more than he did on his sons. She was a “daddy’s girl.” She had rejected the hands of the powerful men of Mecca. But when she saw the youthful, but needy Muhammad, she fell in love with him on the spot and sent a maid to propose marriage.

On the surface it seems that Muhammad had such a magnetic personality that he mesmerized this powerful woman. This, however, is a superficial understanding of a complex dynamism.

Tabari writes:

“Khadijah sent a message to Muhammad inviting him to take her. She called her father to her house, plied him with wine until he was drunk, anointed him with perfume, clothed him in a striped robe and slaughtered a cow. Then she sent for Muhammad and his uncles. When they came in, her father married him to her. When he recovered from his intoxication, he said, ‘What is this meat, this perfume, and this garment?’ She replied, ‘You have married me to Muhammad bin Abdullah.’ ‘I have not done so,’ he said. ‘Would I do this when the greatest men of Mecca have asked for you and I have not agreed, why would I give you to a bum?’”¹²

The party of Muhammad replied indignantly that the alliance had been arranged by his own daughter. The old man drew his sword in anger and the relatives of Muhammad drew theirs. Blood was about to be shed when Khadijah intervened and made her love for Muhammad known and confessed to having masterminded the whole proceeding. Khuwaylid was then pacified, resigned to the fait accompli and reconciliation ensued.

How can one explain a seemingly levelheaded and successful woman suddenly falling in love with an indigent youth 15 years her junior? This erratic behavior belies a certain personality disorder in Khadijah.

Evidence suggests that Khadijah’s father was an alcoholic. Khadijah must have known her father’s weakness for alcohol to devise such an audacious plan. Non alcoholic people often drink in moderation and know when to stop. Khuwaylid became drunk before the arrival of the guest. So he was not just a social drinker but an alcoholic. Now, why this should matter at all? Because it is another piece of puzzle in support of the theory that Khadijah was a codependent. Children of alcoholics often develop co-dependency.

Khadijah’s father was overly protective of her and had high expectations for her. From his reaction to the marriage of his 40-year-old daughter to an ordinary man and his words saying “the greatest men of Mecca have asked for you and I have not agreed,” it is clear that Khadijah was the apple of his eye. Khuwaylid had other children too, including a few sons, but it is clear that this daughter was his pride and joy. She was his only accomplished offspring.

Children who are adored and placed on a pedestal by their needy parents grow in their shadow. They often develop codependency personality disorder. They become obsessed with their father (or mother) and see their function as making their parents look good in the eyes of the outsiders. They are expected to be the “wunderkind,” and they strive to live upto that expectation and not disappoint their parents.

Under the constant demand for better performance, the child becomes unable to develop her own independent personality. She seeks her fulfillment in satisfying the needs of her perfectionist and narcissistic parent. She does not feel loved for WHO she is, but rather for HOW she performs. The alcoholic parent unloads his own emotional baggage on his children, especially on the one with more potential. He expects her to excel in everything and to make up for his own failures.

Codependents cannot find fulfillment and happiness in normal and emotionally healthy relationships that can happen only among equals. Only in the capacity of caregivers and pleasers can codependents find their happiness. The “perfect” match for the codependent is a needy narcissist.

Khadijah rejected her successful and mature suitors, falling in love with a poor young man who was both emotionally and financially needy. Codependents confuse love and pity. They have the tendency to love people they should pity and rescue.

This explains why a successful and beautiful woman like Khadijah would become interested in a needy man like Muhammad.

It seems that the marriage of Muhammad and Khadijah was made in heaven (no pun intended). Muhammad was a narcissist who craved constant praise, attention and adulation. He was poor and emotionally needy. He was an adult, but his inner child was still yearning for attention. He was in need of someone to take care of him and provide for him, someone to exploit and abuse, the way an infant exploits and abuses his mother.

The relationship between a mother and her infant is narcissistic-codependent relationship. A mother is emotionally codependent on her child. She endures all his abuses joyfully. This is healthy. But it is not healthy when this dynamism exists between two adults.

The emotional maturity of the narcissist is frozen in childhood. His infantile needs have never been satisfied. He is constantly trying to satisfy those childish needs. All babies are narcissists and that is a necessary part of their growth. But if their narcissistic needs are not satisfied in childhood, their emotional maturity will freeze at that stage. They seek the attention they missed during their infancy, in their relationships with their mates and others, including their children.

Khadijah, was an inverted narcissist who needed someone to fulfill her own fantasies as a caregiver. Not only does the codependent not mind being taken advantage of, she actually enjoys it.

The symbiotic relationship between the narcissist Muhammad and the inverted narcissist Khadijah worked to perfection. Muhammad no longer needed to be preoccupied with work or money. He spent his days wandering in the caves and wilderness of his fertile fantasies, the delightful and affable realm where he was loved, admired, respected and feared. Khadijah became so engulfed in this self-absorbed narcissist and in attending to his needs that she neglected her commerce. Her thriving business dwindled and her wealth evaporated. She must have been around fifty years old when her youngest child was born. She stayed home while her husband was away most of the time, a recluse in his mental and physical caves.

Any sensible person would have interpreted Muhammad’s bizarre experience as psychosis or “demon possession,” as they used to call it in those days. Even Muhammad himself thought he had become a kahin (sorcerer) or demon-possessed. As we read in the Qur’an, the reasonable people of Mecca thought Muhammad had become a majnoon, which literally means possessed by jinns and is understood as insane. But such a thought was too much to bear for Khadijah, who sought her fulfillment and happiness in fulfilling the needs of her husband. She had to cling to her narcissist at any cost. As a codependent, Khadijah felt the urge to step in, be helpful, give advice and salvage her own source of narcissistic supply.

The narcissist often demands sacrifices from people around him and expects them to become his codependents. They also live above the moral code. They feel too important to abide by any morality or rule.

Khadijah was willing to sacrifice everything for her adored narcissist. It was she who encouraged Muhammad to pursue his prophetic ambitions and spurred him in that direction. When Muhammad no longer had epileptic seizures or saw any angels, Khadijah was disappointed. Ibn Ishaq writes:

“After this, Gabriel did not come to him for a while and Khadijah said,”I think that your Lord must hate you.””¹³

This demonstrates how eager she was for her narcissist to become a prophet.

Why did Muhammad not take other wives when Khadijah was still alive? Because he was living off her money and in her house. Furthermore, the majority of the people of Mecca derided him. He was called a lunatic. No one would have married him even if he had had money of his own and Khadijah had not been an issue. In Mecca, his followers were a handful of teenagers and slaves with only a few women among them – and none was eligible for him to marry. Had Khadijah survived to see Muhammad’s rise to power, she probably would have had to put up with her husband’s vagaries and the humiliation of sharing him with younger and prettier women.

After the death of Khadijah, Muhammad never found another codependent to take care of his emotional needs like she had. Instead, he sought fulfillment by becoming a sexual butterfly. Only a month after his wife’s death, Muhammad convinced his loyal friend and follower, Abu Bakr, to betroth to him his six-year-old daughter, Aisha. Abu Bakr was shocked. He tried to dissuade him, saying, “But we are brothers.” Muhammad reassured him they were only brothers in faith and that his marriage to that little child was not haram.¹⁴

He further told him that she had been shown to him twice in dreams in which he saw an angel carrying the little Aisha in a silken piece of cloth.

“I said (to myself), ‘If this is from Allâh, then it must happen.’”¹⁵

Now, Abu Bakr was left with the options: Leaving Muhammad, for whom he had made so many sacrifices, denouncing him, calling him a liar and going back to his people, acknowledging he had been a fool; or doing whatever Muhammad asked of him. Abu Bakr even built a mosque in the backyard of his house for Muslims to pray. He would often cry when reciting Muhammad’s allegedly revealed verses. Denoucing him at this stage, was not easy.

Abu Bakr pleaded with Muhammad to wait three more years before consummating the marriage. Muhammad agreed, but meanwhile, he married Sauda, the widowed wife of one of his followers, a few days later.

Muhammad created a harem with more than a score of women. He tried to compensate the loss of his sugar mommy with an abundance of younger women. He kept adding to the collection of his wives and concubines but none could meet his childish needs the way Khadijah had. He needed a mother to take care of his inner child, something his teenage wives could hardly do for a man who could be their grandfather.

References:

1 http://allpsych.com/disorders/personality/narcissism.html

   ² International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems, 10^th edition, World Health Organization (1992)

³ American Psychiatric Association. (1994). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fourth edition (DSM IV). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association. Sam Vaknin. (1999). Malignant Self Love – Narcissism Revisited, first edition. Prague and Skopje: Narcissus Publication. (“Malignant Self Love – Narcissism Revisited” http://www.geocities.com/vaksam/faq1.html )

 ⁴ Tabaqat V. 1, p. 2

 ⁵ http://www.muhammadanreality.com/creationofmuhammadanreality.htm

 ⁶ Tabaqat V. 1, p. 364

 ⁷  http://www.muhammadanreality.com/about.htm

⁸Jon Mardi Horowitz – Stress Response Syndromes: PTSD, Grief, and Adjustment Disorder” New Jersey:Jason Aronson Inc., Third Edition, 1997, ISBN-10: 0765700255, ISBN-13: 978-0765700254.

⁹ J. D. Levine and Rona H. Weiss. The Dynamics and Treatment of Alcoholism. Jason Aronson, 1994

 ¹⁰  http://www.globalpolitician.com/25109-barack-obama-elections

 ¹¹ http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/43.cfm

¹² Persian Tabari v. 3 p.832

¹³ Sira Ibn Ishaq, p. 108

¹⁴ Sahih Bukhari 7.62.18 Narrated ‘Ursa: The Prophet asked Abu Bakr for ‘Aisha’s hand in marriage. Abu Bakr said “But I am your brother.” The Prophet said, “You are my brother in Allâh’s religion and His Book, but she (Aisha) is lawful for me to marry.”

¹⁵ Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 87, Number 140